Feelings & Behaviors

While feelings are a component of the human experience, the way in which we identify, interpret, experience, and move through them are not the same. Much of that has to do with your neurotype, the somatic connection that may or may not be present, and the potential of trauma to create an alternate response or ability to engage with them on a conscious level. Knowing how feelings show up for you and noticing them early is the first step in separating them from behaviors and giving you some choice in how you move through situations, events, and discomfort.

When feelings get mixed with behaviors, that’s where things can become a little bit more pressured, tricky, and sometimes lend to undesired consequences. Using your feelings to justify behavior sometimes compounds the problem and gives permissions for actions that don’t always align with your value system. While there may be times where your feelings and behaviors match, skipping the step where you make a decision to act and moving straight to a reaction, often leaves you feeling worse in the long run. Feelings are messengers…use them wisely as informants and not factual witnesses. 

For many people, and for most of us at times, feelings can offer an excuse for behavior when in reality it is a lack of accountability or skills to move through those feelings and still arrive at a place where you can engage in decision making about what to do next and about what to do with those feelings. We see this a lot in kiddos because their executive functioning skills are just not at the capacity to do this on a regular basis. We also see this a lot in dysregulated adults who may use emotion as permission for reaction or have a trauma response present to people please or avoid emotion and feeling altogether. Creating gaps and space in between what we feel and how we act can give us the power to shift decisions and move forward. 

Bottom line…separating feelings from behavior and inserting accountability to the decision making that needs to happen in between lend to bigger shifts towards the best version of you.