Expectations

Expectations can be super tricky, but the majority of them definitely begin with you/me/us…we are typically the epicenter for why we have them and why we continue to place demands on others to meet them. We all have reasons why they are important to us…perhaps they are a trauma response, maybe we want the best for our kids and for them to be independent when they leave home, we could be really putting our relationships and connections with others as a super important component of our lives. But all of these, no matter how well mannered and well intentioned, still begin with us as individuals.

If you are neurodivergent or in relationship with someone who is neurodivergent this may be an even bigger challenge. This can be especially true when it comes to communication and even more-so the amount of camouflaging, masking, and attempts at meeting expectations that the neurodivergent individual is engaging. There simply isn’t a big enough threshold for such and often leads to burnout.

Overall when expectations do not meet reality…we, understandably, get really disappointed. For some that turns up as sadness and can be interpreted as guilt-giving and for others is can arise as anger, irritation, or frustration. This is where mild difficulty becomes big challenges especially if these things aren’t met with communication, correction, redirection, and open honesty about what is happening…and that last one is transparency with both yourself and the other person.

When you pause, move slowly, and check in with yourself surrounding why expectations were or weren’t met and what that means to you, you can engage in perspective shifting which allows you to know yourself better and also have greater empathy for others and those with whom you want relationships. That doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries in the situation but it does mean that maybe you stop projecting your wants and needs (precursors of the expectations) onto others. Bottom line…we all have different expectations for likely very good reasons, but others may not meet them in the ways we always want.