People Pleasing

While there is often a very real reason why people pleasing happens, often avoidance, fear, and trauma. Our brains also latch onto things that work, and it’s likely that people pleasing, at least at one point in time, worked for you because in general people respond well to others who are agreeable or meet their needs. Therefore, there can be a lot of scenarios where this is the best option some people have, though it does come at a high cost. Often our own safety, needs, and boundaries are forgotten or abandoned when we people please, which can lead to a loss of sense of self, purpose, and a lot of internalized negative self talk and may even lend to losing yourself, your identity, and your sense of being when you engage in it all the time.

This is especially true for neurodivergent individuals as it is often a trauma response from an accumulation of trauma and microaggressions across the lifespan. It shows up as a default response, an adaptation to hide yourself, an attempt to be better accepted, understood, and at times liked. This type of trauma is an accumulation of microaggressions that build slowly across the lifespan and can be even more complicated if you are a late diagnosed individual. If you are neurodivergent and over-apologizing, over-explaining, and especially over-functioning, it’s important to take a look at these reflexes and strategies that once served you and ask yourself if they continue to do so and at what cost. Sometimes the burnout and overwhelm that is felt can be a component of these deeply rooted responses and it becomes vital to take a look at how this is impacting you.

And if you are neurotypical, the same tenets apply. Bottom line…it’s important to take a look at the reasons behind people pleasing and begin to challenge the decision making process to use it if loss of self is happening to you.