Perfectionism

Perfectionism is tricky and is often a fear-based trauma response for a lot of people. At one point in time our brain found a way to keep us safe and now responds the same to things that mirror or mimic some of the same aspects in the original situation that was traumatic.  The issue is that our brain struggles to see what is actually a threat and what may just be scary, difficult, or uncomfortable at times. That fear that is often associated with perfectionism and the need to do things ‘right’ or ‘perfectly’ or ‘without error’ can keep us from taking action and ultimately from being the person we are meant to be by doing the scary things that get us there.

If you have a Type A personality or have a lot of trauma, sometimes the progress towards approaching perfectionism can be prioritizing the things that truly matter and move the needle and learning to let go of the things that really won’t get you anywhere long term. That’s not to say that you need to let go of responsibilities, but it is to say that learning to prioritize and balance them out is really important work. And just as a reminder, this won’t be perfect either.

The photo above is literally me, ignoring the weeds, and prioritizing connection and self-care…things that are often difficult to put at the top of the action items for the day when the to-do list is calling (IE: a ton of weeds in a once beautiful yard that currently takes up a chunk of time I don’t have at the present). It’s not perfect, but the future version of me most likely won’t remember the weeds, but I will remember the time spent with someone I love.

When we think about how perfectionism appears, it’s also vital to note that it doesn’t always show up in the same way for neurodivergent people as it does for neurotypical individuals. Trauma and the need to get things right to avoid additional trauma, fear related to the consequences of sub-par performance, abiding by rules or systems learned, and/or feeling as though you can’t move on until it’s right may all play a part in this either individually or at times as a combination. Pulling on the thread of its origin can help and also offer an open door to perspective shifting when that makes sense for the person.

Bottom line…keep going, in a safe way…it may be scary, but it’s important to distinguish where the desire for perfectionism is arising.