Self-Abandonment

We people please and change our behaviors to make others comfortable for too many reasons to list here. For many of those reasons, they are also likely very valid and important ones. That doesn’t change the cost or use of resources associated with continuing to do it. 

If you are a people pleaser, you may fall into external focus where the primary concern is everyone else’s comfort. Over time, it can feel as though you lose your identity in continuing to focus outwardly and interactions can become transactional.

If you are neurodivergent, you may have spent a lifetime changing behaviors, communications, mannerisms, and interactions to make other people more comfortable around you. It can be important to look at this and ensure that if there is self-ableism present, you decide if taking time to dismantle what doesn’t align is needed.

Some questions you can ask yourself include:

What makes me choose this right now and with this person/in this situation?

What do I actually want in this moment, with this experience, with this person?

What would it be like if I requested what I need or maintain my boundaries with this person/in this situation?

Bottom line…people pleasing and being in service to others can both serve a purpose. It is important though to continue to be in alignment with self, empowered in your decision making, and ensure you are not overextending yourself in ways in which you have a difficult time recovering.